For every deep hurt a child suffers,
a part of them splits off to contain the painful feelings.
This survival mechanism allows the child to put their painful
feelings "on the shelf" until they are old enough
to face them. As we mature, the split off parts, also known
as inner children, begin to surface. Consequently, we may
begin acting out the developmentally arrested aspects of self.
This is why grown people can slip into acting like a needy
or angry four year old. Either we learn to take care of our
four-year-old self or we get stuck being like one. Parts of
us can get trapped in childhood, in adolescence, in rebellious
teen years, or at any stage in life. These painful behaviors
create a necessity for us to retrieve and work through the
emotions that were too difficult for our younger self to handle.
Adults usually treat their inner children
as they were treated, which is what created the wound in the
first place. In learning reparenting, you can learn to give
your inner children life, breath, and a voice to reclaim expression
of what was denied.
The more traumatized a person has been,
the more parts they will possess of all ages and sexes to
hold the split off or fractured feelings. Inner children cannot
process emotions. They require the support of the adult self
to "take on" the emotions they are carrying. When
this occurs, the inner child feels relief, as does the adult
self. In this way, both the child and the adult heal simultaneously.
These inner children, which can behave and look listless,
shut down, rageful or near dead, can come quickly to vibrant
life with tender loving attention and care that is grounded
in reality. Another way of reclaiming inner children is through
Recovery of Soul-Mind Fragmentation
Inner children are real. Although they exist
in non-physical reality, they behave much the same as a physical
child. Inner children need to be seen, respected, heard and
believed just as physical children do. Inner children do not
lie. They take their time to trust you, but once you have
gained their trust, they will tell you the truth. If you honor
and believe them, no matter how difficult it is, they will
begin to thrive. If you do not honor or believe them, or if
you do not give them the care they need in order to develop,
they will remain in an arrested condition. This is the same
for physical children as well.
I dont know why our insides work this
way, but they do. I find it to be a miracle, and a blessing
to work with. On the outside, we are one. On the inside, we
are many. We carry a world within, and it is this world we
are given to embrace and nurture.
Inner Child Bonding includes developing
a respectful, protective and loving relationship with each
internal child, helping the inner child develop a supportive,
evolving relationship with other parts that make up the internal
structure, reinstituting necessary boundaries of safety, setting
appropriate boundaries with hurtful parental or societal introjects,
and opening to wisdom figures who can act as inner guides.
Inner children, because they are still connected to the Source,
can also become our guides back to the Self.
As you work to integrate your internal
system, the puzzle pieces of life begin coming together. With
support, you can begin the careful process of dismantling
disabling childhood defenses, and develop ways of being based
on what is true in your deepest core.